I’m half way through the planned time period for taking my Virgo essence blend and it has been a fairly intense time, so far.
The main essence in the Virgo blend is Apple, which I choose in order for it to help me working on self acceptance issues.
A week ago I found out that a teacher I had in school, at age 12-14, had died. People from my old class had written on the funeral homes on-line memorial wall and this brought back lots of memories from that time in my life.
Honestly, those memories were not the best. I grew up in a family with a narcissistic dynamic. I was dealt the role of the Golden Child, which is supposed to always be perfect. In order to really show off my talents, my parents had gotten me into school a year early. The academic part of school was no problem, but when it came to social maturity, I was way behind everyone else in my class.
I had this idea that I had to be perfect. Being unpopular, or “the odd one” was simply not acceptable. I really tried making friends at school, but there just wasn’t anyone on the same frequency as me. I developed selective mutism, which I’m sure happened because of that strained and pressured social situation. I won’t go into details but things were really messy there, for a while.
When I thought about those years, how desperate I was to make friends, I felt really sad. I also felt very drawn to Heather, which is blooming here, at the moment, with the most exquisitely calm little lilac flowers.
Among the Bach essences, Heather is said to be the treatment for people that are obsessed with themselves and seek out others to endlessly talk, talk and talk, only, about themselves. The dreaded energy vampires, in other words (and we all know people like that).
I think it’s very rash to label that young teenage me “an energy vampire”. I was a child that, due to my upbringing, had flawed ideas of how healthy energy economics, between people, work. I had been thrown into a very pressured social situation that I had no tools to navigate. As I’ve been taking Heather for the last few days, it has been SO SOOTHING. Where I used to feel shame for that young girl and how she did not measure up the social standards in her class, I now only feel compassion. That was such a horribly shitty situation! Thank God for growing up!
But there has been one more, very unexpected, thing I discovered about Heather. As a person interested in personal development, spiritual stuff and such, meditation comes up a lot. So many people say they get calmer and more focused after their daily meditation practice. I’ve tried so hard to meditate but it just hasn’t been working out for me, in the way it seems to be working out for everyone else. There are these voices in my head that talk, talk and talk. They go on about things I should be doing, random stuff in my life, how I should approach stuff that’s coming up, just mundane shit non-stop.
After I’ve started taking Heather these voices have calmed down like 90%!!! I finally experienced how it is to meditate in peace. I’m discovering that these meditation-wrecking, inner personas were Heather people. Who would have known? I did not see this coming, for sure. This raises more questions, are all inner personas treatable with flower remedies? All of us have internalized parents, that usually represent our parents at their very worst. Flower remedies would be a very cool way to work with those. Also, when looking at ourselves through the IFS lens, with protectors and inner children, that also offers some interesting treatment scenarios. I’ll most certainly be pondering this more in posts to come.